{"id":2416,"date":"2024-12-10T13:55:33","date_gmt":"2024-12-10T13:55:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lena-writes.com\/?p=2416"},"modified":"2024-12-10T14:14:45","modified_gmt":"2024-12-10T14:14:45","slug":"mtt-by-malwina-gudowska-through-my-lens","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lena-writes.com\/en\/books-and-interviews\/mtt-by-malwina-gudowska-through-my-lens\/","title":{"rendered":"MTT by Malwina Gudowska through my lens"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I came across Malwina Gudowska and her work a few years ago, while in search of some meaningful bilingual parenting content on Instagram. Beautifully named @themeaningofmama<\/em>1<\/a><\/sup>, her account captivated me. I continued consuming her content through a newsletter<\/a>, thrilled to have finally found someone whose thoughts and experience align with mine. However, it was the comforting feeling of being understood that made me a loyal follower of her work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE BOOK<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Her book \u201cMother Tongue Tied: On Language, Motherhood<\/a> & Multilingualism \u2013Disrupting Myths & Finding Meaning<\/a>\u201d2<\/a><\/sup> came out in June 2024. The book is based on Malwina\u2019s own experience as a multilingual (mother), backed by a body of research from (academic) literature and topped up with experiences of other women she interviewed as part of her research into multilingualism and motherhood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EMOTIONS<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

For me personally, the biggest value of this book, as well as Malwina\u2019s work in general lies in the fact that it acknowledges and recognises the emotions that go into raising multilingual children. This is especially important for us who individually act as transmitters of the minoritized language3<\/a><\/sup> to our children. The feelings of discomfort I have been experiencing: loneliness, guilt, exhaustion, pressure as well as fear made me believe that something was seriously wrong with me. MTT showed me that these feelings are shared by many multilingual mothers and that there was nothing unordinary about me experiencing them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

VALUABLE LANGUAGES, DECEIPTFUL MYTHS<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Being a trilingual herself, Malwina knows the real value of languages. She sends a clear message that all languages are important<\/em> (pg. 12) and that one is not better than the other. The value of a language is \u201cas simple as generations of a family being able to communicate with one another.\u201d<\/em> (pg 12) Throughout the book, she breaks many myths that sadly still exist around multilingualism. To name a couple, \u201cMultilingualism causes speech delays<\/em>\u201d (it doesn\u2019t!) and \u201cTrue bilinguals do not have accents in any of their languages<\/em>\u201d (they may have and this doesn\u2019t make them any less bilingual), and many more. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

IT’S POLITICAL<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

MTT is political. It is a critique of the society. It\u2019s feminist. I believe it should be read by many, both female and male, who even remotely have multiple languages in their lives. It draws attention to social and ethnic inequality and injustice that are reflected in our attitudes towards languages. It calls for change of the systems where monolingual ideologies prevail despite the fact that more than half of world\u2019s population is bilingual or multilingual.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GENDERED WAY OF LOOKING AT THE SPACE AND LANGUAGE <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Relevant to my personal experience, it was the gendered way of looking at the space and language that stuck with me the most. In the chapter \u201cHome bodies & spaces of (re)production\u201d Malwina explains how caregiving, housework and heritage language transmission all take place in the private\/home sphere. Despite being essential for the family wellbeing this type of work is invisible, unpaid and therefore unrecognised. Also, it is still predominantly done by women. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The opposite of the home is the outside world. Traditionally, it belongs to the male, the bread winner. Him who is paid, who brings money into the house and whose work is therefore recognised. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The languages some of us try to raise our children with are different from the one spoken in the society. These languages are learned at home and they are usually transmitted by mothers. These languages are called heritage, minority, minoritized<\/em>, HOME languages. They stand in opposition to the language spoken outside the house, called dominant, society, community, school language. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

MULTILAYERED INEQUALITY<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Note how even these terms signal inequality: dominant vs. minority. One is school and community language that belongs to the \u201cpresent\u201d. The other is heritage, belonging to something from the \u201cpast\u201d, something that is \u201coutdated\u201d (pg. 124) Even the Serbian word for heritage language, zav<\/em>\u010dajni jezik<\/em>, signifies a language that is spoken over there, in that other country my ancestors are from. But not me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It starts with the inequality on the word level, but later grows into the much more significant disbalance when children enter adolescence, when school and peer group language take over. They threaten and often push out the already endangered languages whose destiny is to be kept within the walls of one\u2019s home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MY SILVER LINING<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I once tried to explain this to Klara, obviously in the language that is age appropriate for her, and to that she said: \u201cBut Mama, we speak Serbian outside the house!\u201d As always, she gave me the biggest pat on the back. The fact that I have never shied away from speaking Serbian in public with my children, even when we are in the company of non-Serbian speakers sent an unconscious message to her that speaking our language is normal. My effort may not be recognised financially, but for now it seems recognised by my six-year-old daughter and this is possibly all that matters. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

HOW DID I?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

How did I manage to achieve this? In order to create conditions for my children to have potential to develop bilingually, I had to consciously enter into the gendered, less paid, less visible and less recognised role. As a single constant source of Serbian in my children\u2019s lives, I had to be present. \u201cI am the input, when I am not there, I am also the interruption\u201d, (pg. 21) <\/em>writes Malwina towards the beginning of the book and with this sentence she perfectly describes my life in the past six years.<\/ins><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being constantly reminded that “I will see” once the school starts, <\/em>I\u2019ve felt pressured and rushed to cram as much Serbian language and experience in the Serbian language into my kids before they start school. The aim was to create Serbian language emotional reserve they would be able to come back to once school and teenage years pass. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve learnt from the book that what I have been doing is called “the language maintenance strategy” (pg. 125)<\/em>. This strategy can be especially valuable if one of the parents speaks the societal language. In our case the father.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MULTILINGUAL\/NATIONAL COUPLES<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

This brings us to the topic of multilingual couples. Malwina acknowledges that dating a person who doesn\u2019t speak your language can be fresh, fun, sexy even, but when children come, these multilingual\/national relationships “can turn<\/em> hostile<\/em>” (pg 165). In our marriage, I feel it is always about competition of what language\/culture the kids will be more exposed to. I insist English is in the more advantageous position since the father is mostly monolingual as well as the school. As the owner of our invisible home and heritage language sphere, I always feel like I am losing, but unlike the English language, I do not think my English partner is winning either. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

IT COULD BE A LOT WORSE<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

My bilingual mothering experience can very often be the source of my anger, bitterness, powerlessness, jealousy and tears. But what MMT has explicitly showed me is that I am in a far better place than many. My language is not on the verge of extinction (not yet!). I can still, with some effort, surround my children with other Yugoslav language speakers and resources. My husband is learning Serbian and he says for himself that he is code-switching. He tries to use Serbian often when the four of us are together. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We live in London and I still haven\u2019t had a negative experience for speaking Serbian in public and I speak it all the time. This is not to say that I haven\u2019t been judged by my accent (Malwina writes about accentism<\/em> and listener\u2019s perception of accents in detail in the book). I am white. I speak English well, albeit with an accent. Even though I have been on the receiving end of the question \u201cWhere is your accent from?\u201d I personally haven\u2019t felt traumatized by it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, as carefully recorded in the book, there are many people who are experiencing the complete opposite. So, in that respect I am lucky. This luck, sadly, doesn\u2019t make my bilingual mothering experience any less emotionally and physically hard, but it is there to remind me that it could be a lot worse. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHOW DOES A LANGUAGE DIE?\u201d<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In the chapter entitled \u201cHow does a language die?\u201d, Malwina quotes Joshua A. Fishman\u2019s three generation theory. It stuck with me, so I\u2019ll try to paraphrase: The first generation of immigrants incorporates the new societal language to their heritage language repertoire (this is me for example); second generation is bilingual (Klara and Oliver); and the third generation (K\u2019s and O\u2019s kids provided they live in the English-speaking country) are predominantly monolingual. Depending on many factors, this process can last longer, but also shorter \u201cA language can be lost from one generation to the next. One generation \u2013 like mother to child<\/em>\u201d (pg 52.) and for me this sentence carries so much emotional weight.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Together with Klara & Oliver, Malwina belongs to the second immigrant generation. Despite the fact that her dominant language is English, she decided to raise her children in Polish and I deeply admire her for that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Malwina\u2019s example brings a trace of hope that maybe, just maybe one of my children may decide to raise their child(ren) in Serbian. Or maybe this is too much to hope for. Regardless, if I didn\u2019t believe my kids would love and speak Serbian in future, I wouldn\u2019t do what I have been doing for the past six years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

IN PLACE OF CONCLUSION<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Getting acquainted with Malwina\u2019s work for me meant I have gained an imaginary friend. A friend who is a few years ahead of me in raising multilingual children and one that will, if nothing else, at times say: \u201cIt is completely normal you feel the way you do\u201d. So, when she announced her book can be pre-ordered, I believe I was one of the first ones in the queue. Trust me, I have never pre-ordered a book in my life. I also had the honour of being invited to and meeting her at the MTT book launch in West London back in June. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this post, I did not touch upon all the very important issues related to multilingualism Malwina writes about in the book. Instead, I have addressed some that I consider relevant to my life. But I hope I tickled your interest. If I did, I warmly suggest you read the whole book & I hope you learn from it as much as I did. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n
  1. @motherlingual<\/a> is the current name of Malwina\u2019s Instagram account.\u00a0 \u21a9\ufe0e<\/a><\/li>
  2. MTT further in the text. \u21a9\ufe0e<\/a><\/li>
  3. Malwina introduces the term\u00a0minoritized language<\/em>\u00a0in the book instead of minority language \u201cas it is the way the language is perceived, as opposed its true value\u201d (pg. x). \u21a9\ufe0e<\/a><\/li><\/ol>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    I came across Malwina Gudowska and her work a few years ago, while in search of some meaningful bilingual parenting content on Instagram. Beautifully named @themeaningofmama1, her account captivated me. I continued consuming her content through a newsletter, thrilled to have finally found someone whose thoughts and experience align with mine. However, it was the comforting feeling […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":2446,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"[{\"content\":\"@motherlingual<\/a> is the current name of Malwina\u2019s Instagram account.\u00a0\",\"id\":\"6854ac7d-ddb4-4878-ac9c-bcda19093a23\"},{\"content\":\"MTT further in the text.\",\"id\":\"5355014e-8dee-41f9-b312-bedd0fd50c61\"},{\"content\":\"Malwina introduces the term\u00a0minoritized language<\/em>\u00a0in the book instead of minority language \u201cas it is the way the language is perceived, as opposed its true value\u201d (pg. x).\",\"id\":\"599b26a6-3eea-4d79-a063-6b9d14136065\"}]"},"categories":[4],"tags":[504,50,63,53,505,502,11,503,70],"class_list":{"0":"post-2416","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-books-and-interviews","8":"tag-bilingual-motherhood","9":"tag-bilingual-parenting","10":"tag-bilingualism","11":"tag-book-review","12":"tag-emotions","13":"tag-malwina-gudowska","14":"tag-motherhood","15":"tag-mtt","16":"tag-multilingualism"},"yoast_head":"\nMTT by Malwina Gudowska through my lens<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Lena writes a review of an exceptional book on multilingualism and motherhood by Malwina Gudowska, seen through her bilingual mothering lens.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lena-writes.com\/en\/books-and-interviews\/mtt-by-malwina-gudowska-through-my-lens\/\" 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