A week or so ago, my daughter re-started nursery\u2026part-time. This is a happy solution to our current life situation. She gets to spend time away from us, learn social interaction and have fun with her friends and carers, however her days there are not too long now and I still get to spend healthy amount of time with her. Also cutting her hours means we cut nursery fees, which is something our family budget needed in these challenging times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This also means I have gained some time to myself. Time to do whatever I want, find a job hopefully, but also time to think and reflect on the recent past just in time for my 34th birthday.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Birthdays like New Years are time when I stop and think about what I\u2019ve achieved in the past year. At first, I was not too satisfied with what I saw when I looked back. This made me feel uncomfortable lately and I was determined to get to the bottom of it. I believe that only if I knew what caused dissatisfaction, would I be able to find a solution to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One of the first things I identified was that I haven\u2019t read a single book from the start of this year, which is very unusual for me. In the past few years, I\u2019ve kept a list of books I read in the notes on my phone. This list serves as a reminder of the titles I\u2019ve read, because as with films, I very quickly forget what I saw. I usually average ten books a year; not a huge amount but decent, right? The fact that I haven\u2019t read any books and we are now in early July made me draw a simple yet powerful conclusion that I neglected myself, and in here I refer to mind more so than the body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Roughly at the same time, by pure accident I discovered the podcast series in Croatian called \u2018Lucie\u2019s Little Show\u2019, whose author, Lucia, a mum of three, talks about how to work on yourself and how to be a better version of yourself. I shared info about this podcast on my instagram stories recently, but I have linked it in here for you too as I think listening to this podcast can be beneficial to many of us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This podcast series helped me realise one more thing: In the past three and a half months I have been so absorbed with full time child care and care about our home that I stopped caring about myself, I stopped loving myself and indeed appreciating what I have achieved while I was 33 years old.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
By care, I mean I didn\u2019t create time to think about how I felt or to address my feelings and consequently take action to make myself feel better, like read or watch something only I wanted to see. By love, I mean I didn\u2019t appreciate all the giving I did: to my daughter, to my husband and to the household. I kept diminishing the worth of my efforts at home, just because I am out of employment. This has led to the feelings of insecurity and discomfort I am so keen to get rid of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
With the above in mind, I looked back at the past year of my life with a more positive attitude. This obviously required an active effort, energy and focus on positives rather than negatives:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. The other day, a friend of mine messaged me saying \u2018Well done on making it through the pandemic with a toddler at home\u2019. I think only a friend who is a mum can give you this type of credit and I am grateful for these words so, so much because they opened my eyes. Klara came out of the lock down as a happy, confident, chatty toddler. She was well entertained, well fed, suitably educated for her age and surrounded by SO MUCH LOVE. Well done me, next;<\/p>\n\n\n\n
2. Last summer, just as I turned 33, I returned to work when my baby was nine months old. I worked my ass off full time and brought revenue to the company that I organised events for. At the end of the year I felt empowered and strong to say ‘goodbye’ to the employer who effectively didn\u2019t see me or the efforts I put into my work from day one. I left confident that a better work place is there and I just need to find it;<\/p>\n\n\n\n