I believe that both terms summer and home mean something different to all of us, at least slightly. Even my kids’ understanding of these words will differ from mine one day. For me summer starts at the beginning of June, when the school year in Serbia ends, and it lasts until the beginning of September when the new school year starts. Home somehow has been and always will be Belgrade.
This text is about our July and August in Belgrade this year, in the context of bilingualism and biculturalism. For us, the extended stay at home during the summer holiday where the minority language is spoken has proven to be priceless. It benefited us in terms of further language development, bonding with family and friends as well as the development of socio-cultural identity of our kids.
TURBULENT CHANGES
No matter how much I always want us to come and spend time in Belgrade, going back and forth regardless the direction, always represents a change, for both kids and myself. I remember the feeling of guilt when I left them at the Belgrade nursery first time this summer. Oliver cried. Klara was brave, but sad when we said our goodbyes. This feeling continued the same day when Oliver started stuttering and when I realised that the majority of Klara’s pre-school friends left to spend their summer away from Belgrade. The situation was also quite hard when I left them with my mum in order to exercise. Oliver would scream, cry and tantrum. In my absence, the only person who was able to calm him down was Klara.
My inner critic looks for whom to blame in every situation. In this one, as in many others I found myself to blame. I concluded the guilt lies in me. “If it wasn’t for you and your need for the Serbian language and family, the kids would not be exposed to the stress of change.” ”If you were not who you are, maybe Oliver would not start stuttering, maybe your marriage would be less turbulent” and so on. But we were where I wanted us to be, so I continued with what I, deep down, knew was best for us.
ACCLIMATISATION
What followed was the natural consequence of time passing by, small signs that we started feeling more comfortable. In Oliver’s case, he cried less when they stayed with my mum or at the nursery. He also “tantrumed” less. I was getting photos from the nursery where both children looked truly happy. Consequently, the guilt feeling in me subsided as I realised (again) what are the benefits of being at home.
CONTEXT
Klara was coming back from the nursey enriched with new findings. She told me her first joke about Perica. Then she started singing the new song she learnt. Even though I am familiar with the song, it is unlikely she would have learned it from me, as I do not have it in my repertoire. She was singing: “Ko ima para kupa se u moru, ko nema para kući u lavoru…”.
Then we went to the theatre. We visited brilliant Teatrium for kids. The whole summer, the theatre were running shows for kids on the weekends in the courtyard of the Captain Miša’s mansion. Klara was very focused when she was watching the show entitled The Voyage into the Heart of the Game, which was aimed at school kids. Three young actors on stage starring three school boys where singing the song “Ti i ja, ti i ja, baš bi bili srećan par“. Klara recognised the song and started singing it. Then, after the show she was retelling bits of the story and explaining part of the show to me. Parts that I hadn’t noticed myself.
She fitted in, understood the context and was able to follow the story of the theatre show. These are the moments when the narrative in my head changes into an encouraging one, because I see proof that all this wouldn’t be possible without us literally and repeatedly “dipping” ourselves in Belgrade environment. This wouldn’t be possible if I was not who I am and if my passion for my kids to be bilingual and bicultural is not as strong as it is. “Well done, do you see how useful all this is for them?”, the voice says. “Many kids growing up abroad do not have the opportunity to experience everything your kids are experiencing.” “Well done for making an effort, this is the harder way, but it will pay off. It already did.”
FUNNY BITS
After a few weeks, Oliver stopped stuttering on his own. This was not the only progress he made. Since he is still small (2.5 years), we could see the obvious and significant language development. Not only that he started participating in a conversation, but he also started being clever and funny. When we were paying the bill in Zasavica, he started pushing Klara (she calls her Buba by the way). He was playful and meant no harm, but it was obvious she didn’t enjoy it. I have already taught him to apologise to her by saying “Sorry Buba, I won’t do it again”, however, this time he said all by himself: “Sorry Buba, I will do it again!” (Serbian “neću više” and “hoću još” are and sound more linguistically complex than English “I won’t do it again” vs ”I will do it again”)
Even though he speaks about himself using female suffixes (Serbian is gender sensitive), to me these examples are the proof that if used, the language is acquired completely naturally. Just as he started using cases naturally, he also said “I will do it again!”
RESERVES
I remember how good I felt when I roamed around the Museum of Contemporary Art with the kids. They were going through various colourful doors, danced in front of the mirrors and asked questions about the art and things we were viewing. That morning, we had the most advanced conversation about art to date. I was happy and relaxed, because they were too. We were enjoying the moment.
That was when I realised that all the activities I organise in Belgrade and in Serbia have one aim. This aim is to create RESERVES of love and beautiful memories with family, best family friends and friends in general, in Serbian. This is my investment in future.
“I DON’T KNOW WHERE I WOULD STAY”
Mid-August, my mum told me about a conversation she had with Klara. I think it started when my mum said she was sad because her and Lola are going back to London soon. To that Klara responded that she looks forward to being back in school with her friends and separated from Oliver. Then she said “But, you know, I like it here too. A little bit here, a little bit there, I don’t know where I would stay.“
THE RETURN
I felt completely lost when we came back to London after being away for two months. The flight was late, I was supposed to stay alone with Lola the whole day. I didn’t know what to do first, to unpack, plan when to work and for how long or hoover the house. I was sad, but I didn’t let it get to me*. I knew we had to get acclimatised all over again, so I asked myself if it was worth the effort.
Having decided I definitely won’t hoover, I concluded that this was just one of many summers to come that are worth the effort. The effort to be with grandma, uncle, aunt and sister (from uncle aka cousin); to eat ice-cream from Crna ovca or spend time in the flat with air-conditioning and only wearing pants, because the heat is unbearable; to visit the Tara Mountain or the Balkan Mountains; to protest in the streets and scream “You won’t dig!” (The slogan against the proposed lithium mining in the populated and most fertile soil in West Serbia). We will continue the thread next summer (or before, during two-week holidays in the school year).
*My sadness emerged to the surface the following weekend when I stayed on my own for 48 hours and was able to hear my thoughts and feel the feelings. The result of the process is this text.