Recently I was reading Paddington Bear to Klara for the first time, directly translating the text written in English so that she hears it in Serbian from me. When the character of Mrs. Bird was introduced, without much thinking I named her Gospođa Birdi. After I said her namethe second time, Klara looked at me and said ‘Ne mama, to je gospođa Ptičica!’.
Encouragement, support and proof
As Klara’s third birthday was approaching my new post on bilingualism was long overdue. I hadn’t been taking notes on her development and she had progressed so much. I was beginning to think I would never write it. Also, I was wondering what exactly I could write about and what I could offer to other parents interested in the topic.
And then I concluded… ‘A LOT!’.
I could offer ENCOURAGEMENT, SUPPORT and PROOF that the hard work, love and attention a parent puts into communicating with their child in their mother tongue1 (the less dominant language) does pay off long term.
Here are five things I believe helped us significantly be where we are now in terms of having two languages in the house and our daughter speaking them almost equally well.
1. Attention, true meaningful conversations, no excessive screen time
It is said that bi/multilingual children start talking later than their peers growing up with one language. This didn’t seem to be the case with Klara. She started saying her first words and phrases in both languages when she was 18 months old and I truly believe attention, true meaningful conversations and no excessive screen time had a huge influence. To date, we hand pick what we watch with her and don’t expose her to screens for longer than one hour per day.
Recently, I read a newspaper article in the Serbian newspaper Danas that implicitly talked about children’s speech development. The author of the text suggested that children should ideally hear 21 thousand words a day from their parents (as opposed to from a machine) for the effective speech development to take place. Even though this number of words sounds high, the author stressed that these can easily be uttered in only two hours while performing everyday routines such as family dinner, bathing and bedtime.
We are lucky to be able to spend more time with Klara than just performing evening routines. I believe, this too, has been a huge factor in her starting to talk in two languages at the age of 18 months and the size of her vocabulary today.
2. Partner support
I hear a lot of parents from mixed language families say they use the dominant language when communicating to their children in front of their partner (instead of their less dominant one) because they do not want their partner to feel left out or neglected.
The use of languages within the family and how this influences family communication and relations has been the biggest obstacle for us so far. We became aware of it approximately 12 months ago and I wrote about it quite openly in my post On Raising a Bilingual Child (Family Relations).
Opposite to the prevailing trend I see in the mixed language families today, the approach we took was for me to continue to talk to Klara in the less dominant language even when my husband is around and then to translate the gist to him immediately afterwards.
Some may say this is far too painful and labour-intensive process to implement, but this is not how I would describe it. Yes, it is tricky, but the results outweigh the challenge. It takes time for this pattern of communication to become a norm, but if handled with patience and love, the result is a child who naturally addresses each parent in their own respective language with no hesitation (even when we are all in the same room). In addition, the partner eventually picks up bits of the less dominant language, so you don’t have to translate word for word every time you say something to your child.
I obviously wouldn’t have been able to implement this communication pattern between the three of us if it wasn’t for Tom’s understanding, support and effort to overcome the language barrier and immerse himself in Serbian.
He now understands many of the everyday phrases we say to each other, such as Gde su ti čarape? (what else would a mum from the Balkans ask the child who’s growing up in the UK?!), Jesi gladna?, Jel ti se piški?; and he even uses Serbian himself sometimes to ask her these or similar questions.
To him, words like djubre, djumbir and žubor sound all the same (something he always highlights whenever one of these words is mentioned), but at least he tries hard and I know he will only get better with Serbian over the years.
3. Consistency
Consistency is my best friend. What does it mean in our household, apart from sticking to Serbian even when Tata is around?
Books
I read to Klara in Sebian only. If a particular book I am reading to her is written in English, I translate as I read, so that she hears it in Serbian from me;
Screens
Klara and I play cartoons and songs in Serbian (original or dubbed). There is a lot to choose from but our favourites are Peppa Pig, Lola & Mila, Paddington Bear (the most recent find!), Pevaj sa Sandrom, children’s songs from my childhood (as well as the contemporary ones) and good old Yugoslav rock&roll.
Company of other kids/parents
We stick to talking in Serbian to each other, anything different seems unnatural and highly confusing to both of us.
4. Language bubbles
Recently, I attended a conference on bilingualism where I got acquainted with this term.
Language bubbles are environments where the child has different opportunities to engage with (and not just be exposed to) the language. These could be anything from:
· Visiting the country and family of the less dominant language (where possible);
· Regular video conversations with family and friends who speak the language;
· Socialising with people in the city where you live who speak the less dominant language;
· Or even organising online hang outs/classes for the children.
Options are numerous and they all have the same goal. To show the child that other people (or even better OTHER PEERS) speak the less dominant language. The better the relationship between the child and the other people (family, friends, peers), the stronger the sense of belonging and attachment to the language will emerge as a consequence.
5. Your relationship with the child
Even though this bullet point doesn’t necessarily refer to the use of languages, I strongly believe the way you are with your child: how you treat them, how you talk to them, how you play with them etc. is a big factor in terms of how willing they will be to learn/adopt something from you.
If you asked me, I wouldn’t be able to tell you what type of parents Tom and I are. Like many, we try to avoid labels. What I know is that we work on building a strong, long-lasting, and loving relationship with her. One that will stimulate her to come and talk to us first when she encounters a problem in life, one that makes her secure and confident of where she comes from and one that will equip her with a strong sense of belonging wherever she is in the world.
Our, or more precisely MY work on bilingualism in our family is far from finished. It is said that the birth of a sibling makes things more difficult and complicated for the less dominant language. Despite of what is being said, I hope we will be able to successfully overcome this challenge, too. I am slowly getting ready for that battle.
Acknowledging achievements
However, I am learning how important it is to look back and acknowledge your achievements, and Klara’s bilingualism is a massive one for all three of us.
Last year, I thought it will be impossible to find a solution to the question “What language should the three of us speak in?’, but we got there in the end. You can do, too.
If you care and you don’t give up!
- My daughter actually has two languages she is acquiring from birth, but in here I specifically mean Serbian as it is coming from me, her mum. ↩︎