“There is a beautiful notion that a language is the soul of a people, that it is infused with the essence of a culture, and that one can partake of that soul, or merge with it, or ingest it in some way, if one learns the language of that people”1.
A SEEMINGLY OBVIOUS ANSWER
So far, there have been a few people who have asked me “why?”: why do I care so much about my children growing up bilingually? Since we live in London, why do I care so much about them speaking Serbian?
I always thought the answer to this question was obvious and it needed no explanation. But when I tried to put it into words, I noticed it was not that simple. To verbalize the honest and authentic reasons that inspire me to prioritize raising my children in their, quite literally, mother tongue, I had to take a deeper look inwards.
IDENTITY
First, language is identity. Julie Sedivy, writer and psycholinguist says that “language’s link to identity is what drives people to preserve their languages” 2. I already mentioned that I am raising not only bilingual, but also bicultural and biliteral children. In practice, this means that I care about my children speaking Serbian as well as them being familiar with Serbian culture, tradition and social context. Here is why:
I am proud of my identity: of my family, my upbringing and values I was raised with.
I am proud of a wide circle of family and friends in Serbia and from Serbia.
I am proud of what I have become growing up in the nineties in Vračar, Belgrade.
I am proud of all the love I received and education I acquired.
I am proud of our sense of humour.
I am proud of the Serbia that took to the streets as a sign of protest in the past. I am proud of Serbian students and those who support them in the streets now.
Therefore, if I denied my children of their Serbian identity, I would deny them of myself. And this is the true answer to the “why?” question. My children are Serbian as much as they are English. I put a lot of conscious effort and pride to bring them close to that part of their identity.
We listen to the music my dad listened to with me and my brother when we were little: Bajaga and Yugoslav rock’n’roll. To me, it is unimaginable not to use the language, phrases and jokes members of my family invented, adopted and adapted. As an example, the phrase “Kisla mi je gloova!“ became an integral part of our family’s vocabulary via the famous YouTube clip. I love laughing with my children when we use this phrase in different contexts.
Finally, thought I’d like the circumstances to be different, I am proud for taking Klara and Oliver to protests both in Belgrade and in London. For sharing with them, like our parents did with us, protest walks, revolt and the act of blowing into the whistles.
THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE
The other reason that motivates me is love. The languages we learn earlier in life are most often acquired through social interaction with people who are closest to us, mainly parents and/or other family members. In childhood, we attach emotions to the words depending on the different contexts and situations we hear them in. Therefore, the words said in the language(s) we acquired earlier in life carry more significant emotional weight than the same words pronounced in the language(s) we learn later in life (for example in school/academic context) 3.
For me, this language is Serbian. Language for expressing emotions: love, cuddles and anger. The most natural thing for me is to communicate to my children in my first language. The need for it comes from my gut. Therefore, I think it is common sense to wish for my children to speak the same language, on the same emotional level. Not only with me, but also with people who are closest to me: my mum, my brother and sister and their families.
“Connection is the heart of bilingualism” says Diandra, bilingual mum and activist for bilingualism in North America (on Instagram @bilingualplaydate) to describe the core of bilingualism.
BENEFITS OF BEING BILINGUAL AND BICULTURAL
Finally, there are benefits of being bilingual and bicultural. They are visible with both of our children, especially Klara who is six years old. These are the characteristics we didn’t have in mind when we were starting with bilingual parenting, but they are an integral part of her personality. Social skills: with both English and Serbian people, with older and younger kids as well as grown-ups. The way she communicates, her self-confidence, empathy and the awareness of the diversity in the world. Last but not least, she possesses fine translation skills and excellent sense of humour in both languages.
Earlier this year I had an opportunity to create conditions for and witness a beautiful situation in which Klara’s Serbian and English were at work together. Since she knows we are a Serbian-English family and that we also nurture Serbian identity in our children, Klara’s school teacher invited me to present a part of the Serbian tradition to all Year 1 children in Klara’s school. I was very excited about the opportunity I was given, but thought that the only right way to do the presentation was to do it hand in hand with Klarka. We chose to talk about Serbian/Orthodox Christmas and Christmas eve.
We showed where Serbia is on the map, explained what language we speak, what kind of people we are and what we like to eat. Of course, we didn’t miss telling the audience what kind of weather we have in Serbia. We brought badnjak (dry oak tree branch). Klara explained the rules of the “throw the walnuts” game we play on Christmas eve. Then we played the game. We practiced with the children how to say Hristos se rodi/Vaistinu se rodi (Merry Christmas). I explained that on Christmas day one should do a little bit of what they want to be good at for the rest of the year. Then, both children and the teachers wrote what they wanted to be good at on small pieces of paper and read the wishes aloud. We brought cornbread for everyone to try (kids didn’t like it at all!). Following the Serbian Christmas tradition, three children found the hidden coins in the cornbread and received small gifts from Klara.
This day was very significant for both me and Klara. It seemed she enjoyed presenting and being in charge. My impression is that she loved talking about a festivity she is so familiar with to her English teachers and friends. I, on the other hand, was thrilled that Serbian tradition, culture and language were part of Klara’s school day. Finally, I was grateful for the welcoming and enjoyable atmosphere from the audience. The children and the teachers seemed interested and engaged. Little hands were up throughout since the children wanted to either ask or say something. They didn’t shy away from practicing to say words and expressions in a different language, in this case Serbian.
When I’m having a tough time and question the purpose of going through the bilingual mothering experience, my husband likes to bring my focus to the already visible benefits of raising children with two languages and two cultures. That is how he reminds me that the purpose does exist.
EACH TO THEIR OWN
“All speakers of minority languages carry with themselves a sense of the price they would be willing to pay to keep it!”4.
All of the above are my personal values. In order to live by these values, I willingly accepted their cost; the sacrifices I needed to take in order to try and pass on Serbian to my children.
My values are not and should not be the universal truth. I believe that the majority of people want to speak to their kids in their first language, however not everyone prioritises it the way I do it.
When children enter the educational system (be it nursery or school) in the language of the community, that language becomes so strong that some parents seem to give in. In those situations, and I am seeing many of them, the dominant language becomes the new means of communication between the parents and the children. The reasons for this can be numerous, primarily the lack of options as well as time, but also how the languages are perceived. Could it be that the dominant language is perceived as more prestigious or useful by the parents? Then, there are parents who consciously decided not to use nor transmit their first language to their children because of the bad experiences they had in that language. Finally, there are those who have, unfortunately, been advised by doctors and/or social workers to focus on a single language for the development of their child.
Raising bilingual children in the way we do it is a way of life. Not an easy one. I believe it is the road less taken. This is, possibly, why I, on occasion, feel misunderstood and why it hurts me to be on the receiving end of the “why Serbian?” question.
ANSWER TO THE QUESTION IN REAL LIFE
Around the 27th January, the day when we celebrate our saint St. Sava in Serbia, there was a viral video on Instagram in which two people rap the hymn of St. Sava. The video was funny, entertaining and relevant for me, because I liked to rap the same hymn at my own initiative when I was younger. I couldn’t take my eyes off this video, and I was not alone. Neither could my children. We kept watching it together, we laughed, and repeated the new additions to the lyrics inserted by these two “rappers”.
If Klara (and Oliver) didn’t understand Serbian, if she didn’t attend the Serbian heritage school on weekends where she learned this hymn and if a day before, she wasn’t one of the headliners at the St. Sava show in the same school, I wouldn’t be able to share this experience with my children. When I became aware of how important this is, I silently congratulated myself. This joint experience of rapping and understanding a part of the tradition is our joint achievement and precisely why it is important to me that both Klara and Oliver speak Serbian and belong to the Serbian culture and society.
WRAP UP
I do not know what we will find at the end of this bilingual journey (nor if the end exists). I hope my children will be proud of who they are and what they have become. I believe that Klara and Lola may ask me repeatedly “why Serbian?” in future. I don’t think it will be easy to provide them with an answer, but thanks to this text I now know where to start.
- Sedivy, J. (2021), Memory Speaks: On Losing and Reclaiming Language and Self, The Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, p. 127. ↩︎
- Sedivy, J. (2021), Memory Speaks: On Losing and Reclaiming Language and Self, The Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, p. 195. ↩︎
- Costa, A. “Language and Emotion, or When Words Don’t Express What They Should”. The Bilingual Brain, 2nd edition, Penguin Books, 2021, pp 126 – 129. ↩︎
- Sedivy, J. (2021), Memory Speaks: On Losing and Reclaiming Language and Self, The Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, p. 13. ↩︎